Cathartic Words

7 months ago my sister, Jill, quit speaking to me.

I do not know what I did to upset my sister and I've driven myself crazy trying to figure it out. Jill refuses to talk to me about it, so it seems I may never know. I can't express the grief and anguish I have felt these past few months. Often times my sadness is paralyzing. I love Jill; she has always been a great friend and sister to me and knowing I’ve lost her friendship and love is heartbreaking.

To be abandoned by a sibling is unfortunately not a new experience for me and this time it is proving to be no less painful. Almost 6 years ago my brother, Matt, quit speaking to me. I didn't do anything to warrant such behavior and I was cut out of his life without warning or provocation. Over the years, I’ve learned the reasoning behind Matt's decision to purge his parents, siblings and sadly, his own son from his life. Nonetheless, it was very hurtful and emotionally damaging. Several years after Matt’s departure, I was finally able to talk about him with feeling angry. It took me a long time to get to that point. And it took me even longer to get to the point where I could forgive my brother. I don't believe there will ever be a day when Matt will apologize and ask me for forgiveness. I am actually OK with that now.

Like Matt, Jill is in the process of purging her family from her life. I don't understand the extent of Jill’s anger nor do I understand the reasons behind it. But, when I think of Jill I am reminded of my experience with Matt. I do not want to allow my feelings of hurt, anger and sadness to fester for years as they did with brother. It is much easier to forgive than it is to hold onto feelings of anger. When I came to forgive Matt, my feelings of hurt and sadness did not disappear. I will always feel sad and hurt, but there is a peace that comes to my heart when I think about my brother. Forgiveness is a wonderful gift and blessing.

Over the last few months I let my anger and hurt regarding Jill fester. But, I know for my own emotional well-being and happiness I can no longer allow my anger to grow. A few weeks ago I decided to let go of my anger and frustrations. I am still feeling hurt and sad and there are times when I let my anger get the best of me. But, I’ve also been able to feel peace in my heart when I think about my sister. I know Jill may never speak to me again and the relationship we had may never be repaired. I know Jill may never apologize and ask me for forgiveness. I’m OK with that, too.